the zoo

Sitting on the steps on the east side of the building, my usual spot, waiting for lunch break to be over, counting down the minutes, the seconds, until I can escape the unsupervised teen aged hillbilly masses -- there's that one who thought that To Kill a Mockingbird was pro-racist when I started to describe the book to him, I hear you man, kill them all he said, and there's that one who's always shooting me with with a water gun, and that one who calls me sexy, thanks! Just a sampling of the really cool people that I go to high school with. I'm counting down the minutes until the relative security of the classroom where homophobic teachers are the norm, but still they won't let me be blatantly harassed in class, or usually not,anyway, it's more of an of off-handed harassment in which they participate fully with comments like doesn't it make you sick to see those men holding hands in Natchitoches -- I've never seen them but it is a college town and Steel Magnolias was filmed there so it is like gay mecca for Northwest Louisiana, or asking some other students if it's true that I'm gay, and they're all certain that it's true. This is Coushatta High School in Coushatta, Louisiana -- the other mecca of Northwest Louisiana, of backward thought, redneck style and the perpetuation of every negative stereotype of the South that ever was. That's why a crowd starts to form while I'm sitting on the steps, counting down the endless minutes, around two new students who just appeared seemingly out of nowhere standing uncertainly against the red brick walls. Brother sister, Jose and Rosa. You get the picture here- Jose and Rosa are from Mexico, the children of migrant workers here for tree planting season. Apparently, they're planning on sticking around long enough to have their kids go to school here, but what a depressing thought. Jose and Rosa are cornered now, pushed and prodded like petting zoo animals, real excitement for these hillbilly children who never get to go nowhere, never get to do nothing. I want them all to die except for Jose and Rosa. I already feel solidarity with the recent arrivals. They're the only Mexicans, and I'm the only fag. I'm sure we'll be friends. I have a hard-on unrelated to the recent arrivals and now break/hell is over. I rearrange my stuff discretely and proceed towards some version of education.

modern possibilities

i deleted my adam4adam account after one week. hours and hours of looking at severed cocks, heads, and chests, i felt more indecisive than ever. adam did give me three interesting encounters, so it wasn't a complete waste of my life engery, i suppose. the first one was my neighbor from down the hall in number 507. we had chatted in the elevator, of course, and i thought he was sort of hot, but he seemed kind of like an asshole in that way that highly-educated, successful, fifty-year old guys can be. so i didn't pursue it. but then he saw my cock on adam and he was very excited. talk about a convenient hook-up, i just walked down the hall. it was excitement, it was joy. but then i could feel the hillbillies watching me on the 24-hr surveillance cameras as i walked down the hall. the always ruin it. he talked for an almost an hour and told me a story about this other hook-up he had where the trick told him that he talked too much. i didn't know what to say. i asked him if he was a bottom and then things started heating up, sort of. i couldn't really stay in the moment. it was mid-day, i knew i didn't really want to be here doing this, and i knew i couldn't fuck him with a condom. still, i came. unlike the second adam hook-up. i rode my bike all the way to the top of this hill with all the gorgeous houses. oakland has so many of those, so there, haters. anyway, this one is just too much. one thousand year old gates, tribal doors, totem poles, canoes, but modern, too, stucco and stainless steel, windows everywhere, balconies, god the view, rugs, paintings everywhere, and plants, plants, plants. he's a designer, he has a boyfriend, he's from somewhere else, he's busy, he might have to go, oh yeah he has to go. and there's his neighbor at the gate asking for advice on pouring cement and then i'm just some client, well you have my number and e-mail address, call me if you have any questions about the quote. i'm laughing, is he for real. thank god i have my bike so i can zoom away down the hill and forget everything that's ever happened. how do people get like that? so rich, so sure, so boring, so dumb, so fulfilled, so dumb. the third one, well the third one is yet to be determined. this might actually lead to something, but there i go being positive. see the thing is that i had already deleted my account and took a bath to cleanse my hole from the disease of online hook-ups. and there i was at the gorgeous laney college campus-seriously, i love that campus. there i was walking, and this boy is walking towards me and he says hey what's up or whatever it is that people say these days and i of course said hi and of course i keep walking. but really i know instantly who he his. or i know him from his adam profile. i look back, but he's still walking. i stop and i think i should do something. i follow him back to his back and i say hey don't i know you from online.

better than roses on a piano

the oakland rose garden is nice. oakland is nice. i'm not nice. i'm like polished rice, only less shiny. or maybe more shiny, depending on the time of day. all the time i don't have to spend writing papers for school, i spend writing ads for craigslist. and then i spend all that time i used to spend procrastinating by looking at craigslist ads, building my new adam4adam profile. i think my neighbor in #503 responded to my ad. i wonder if he know it's me? i've always thought he was hot, but i didn't know how to pursue it. thanks, adam. but with all these security cameras, how will we be discreet? i know the hillbillies, or building managers, as they call themselves, are huddled around the monitors watching my every slutty move. so jealous. last night, instead having yet another trick over, i got picked up by my trick. speeding up the hill to montclair, i worried this might be a mistake. how old is this guy, really? but i was excited too. maybe because i knew he would worship me. and i like getting old straight guys to do things they've never done before. like fucking boy hole and loving it. but he can't really tell if it's in or not. i can barely feel it myself, yet i still want it. who explain these things? why am i not getting paid for this? he house has seven levels!