bib

high-speed internet is fabulous, but just a little too tempting. i wanna check this, look at that, once more, just once, and then again, and then in an hour, and once more before bed. and that's not including facebook. i only really like about three of my friends on facebook. i don't even know half of them and some of them i just down right hate. but i've got my pink room and i'm feeling happy-ish and it just different. i hope it lasts. maybe i'm not lonely anymore. could it be? moi, not lonely? i'm not lonely and not looking for sex. bizarre times for sure. i found a pink jacket at american rag to match my pink room. gotta pull that wardrobe together before the semester starts. statement of style, girl. statement of style. i want this semester to be different. i want to approach it differently. i don't want to miserable there anymore. maybe style will help. it's one approach. and well reinvention never hurt anybody. except maybe anne heche. i used to think what a crazy bitch. but now after reading about how she was abused by her father and her denies and trying to convert gay people to heterosexuality, i can see why she had a breakdown. i hate my family. sometimes. going to temple was fun-ish. i like going out with m. because there's no expectations to have a good time and no one pressures me to drink seventy-three cocktails. he doesn't drink at all and i do sometimes and only a couple max. i didn't drink anything at temple because i wasn't sure if my body was up to it. one screwdriver would have helped me loosen up though. i like the music and managed to dance a little but couldn't relax with all the people standing around just looking at the dancefloor. i need everything to align for me relax and have fun at a club. the perfect amount of people on the dancefoor-crowded, but not too crowded which means enough room to move around in but also surrounded by enough people that you don't feel like you're being examined. at least on cocktail. amazingly addictive music. mixed crowd. cute clothes. comfortable shoes. i was lacking a lot of those things at temple. but still, the bitch is back and she's pink.

the walls

statement of style

so i painted my room pink today. a new color, a new life. it's a happy color. the same pink you find on some houses in florida or some place like that. you can find one or two in san francisco, too. maybe that happy color will rub off on my personality. it's the first time i've ever painted my own room in any of the fifty odd houses and apartments i've lived in over the past thirty-one years. i guess i'm looking to settle in and stick around. and i never wanted to stay too long in any of the other places. except for when i lived by buena vista park. i lived there for three years, but my room was already a gorgeous shade of green so i never thought about painting. now i'm settling in and doing so in style. of course, of course, of course.