deserted streets

It's getting dark and I'm riding my bike in koreatown, or is it koreastreet , I spot two cute young guys walking towards broadway. I decide to follow them to see where they're going. But then I feel like a stalker so I ride on to chinatown. And there's a tiny pizza place on the corner that I've never seen before. And people are actually eating there, sitting outside. It is warm tonight. I'll have to come back for pizza in chinatown some other warm night when I have absolutely nothing else to do. I guess that will be tomorrow night? I'm wondering about those guys again. Why don't I know anyone who I can walk down semi-deserted dark streets with? No one who I know in san francisco would be into that and everyone I know in the east bay-well, I don't actually hang out with anyone that I know in the east bay. But there's that adult bookstore over there. Is anyone there? There's one guy who might be my flavor if you know what I'm saying, but it's a big IF and just too depressing to go inside. The homemade booths with recycled 70's paneling and the stark lighting are enough to kill any of my chinatown sex fantasies, of which there are a few. I hear on Fresh Air that nine murders in the U.S. have been linked to white supremacist groups since Obama was elected. I read something similar in the newspaper and I feel ill. The hate rhetoric is heating up apparently. And I think of my family and its racism. They all say they're not racist, but they say such racist things and live in all white worlds. The father of my mom's second husband was rumored to be in the kkk. Way, way too close. Thanks mom! That marriage didn't last long thankfully. His parents lived in trailer in the middle of nowhere. I've been in way too many trailers in the middle of nowhere in my life and that scares me when I think about it. I tried to watch this documentary called Southern Comfort about a transman and a transwoman who fall in love in the rural south. But I couldn't get past the first fifteen minutes because the transman lives in a trailer in the middle of nowhere and it was just a bit too real. I want my mom do something about it. I want her to educate herself and talk to her family and be a leader in her community against racism, homophobia, and people living in trailers in the middle of nowhere. But what I am doing? Just thinking about me, me, me. And honey, whoa is me.