statement of style

so i painted my room pink today. a new color, a new life. it's a happy color. the same pink you find on some houses in florida or some place like that. you can find one or two in san francisco, too. maybe that happy color will rub off on my personality. it's the first time i've ever painted my own room in any of the fifty odd houses and apartments i've lived in over the past thirty-one years. i guess i'm looking to settle in and stick around. and i never wanted to stay too long in any of the other places. except for when i lived by buena vista park. i lived there for three years, but my room was already a gorgeous shade of green so i never thought about painting. now i'm settling in and doing so in style. of course, of course, of course.

modern possibilities

i deleted my adam4adam account after one week. hours and hours of looking at severed cocks, heads, and chests, i felt more indecisive than ever. adam did give me three interesting encounters, so it wasn't a complete waste of my life engery, i suppose. the first one was my neighbor from down the hall in number 507. we had chatted in the elevator, of course, and i thought he was sort of hot, but he seemed kind of like an asshole in that way that highly-educated, successful, fifty-year old guys can be. so i didn't pursue it. but then he saw my cock on adam and he was very excited. talk about a convenient hook-up, i just walked down the hall. it was excitement, it was joy. but then i could feel the hillbillies watching me on the 24-hr surveillance cameras as i walked down the hall. the always ruin it. he talked for an almost an hour and told me a story about this other hook-up he had where the trick told him that he talked too much. i didn't know what to say. i asked him if he was a bottom and then things started heating up, sort of. i couldn't really stay in the moment. it was mid-day, i knew i didn't really want to be here doing this, and i knew i couldn't fuck him with a condom. still, i came. unlike the second adam hook-up. i rode my bike all the way to the top of this hill with all the gorgeous houses. oakland has so many of those, so there, haters. anyway, this one is just too much. one thousand year old gates, tribal doors, totem poles, canoes, but modern, too, stucco and stainless steel, windows everywhere, balconies, god the view, rugs, paintings everywhere, and plants, plants, plants. he's a designer, he has a boyfriend, he's from somewhere else, he's busy, he might have to go, oh yeah he has to go. and there's his neighbor at the gate asking for advice on pouring cement and then i'm just some client, well you have my number and e-mail address, call me if you have any questions about the quote. i'm laughing, is he for real. thank god i have my bike so i can zoom away down the hill and forget everything that's ever happened. how do people get like that? so rich, so sure, so boring, so dumb, so fulfilled, so dumb. the third one, well the third one is yet to be determined. this might actually lead to something, but there i go being positive. see the thing is that i had already deleted my account and took a bath to cleanse my hole from the disease of online hook-ups. and there i was at the gorgeous laney college campus-seriously, i love that campus. there i was walking, and this boy is walking towards me and he says hey what's up or whatever it is that people say these days and i of course said hi and of course i keep walking. but really i know instantly who he his. or i know him from his adam profile. i look back, but he's still walking. i stop and i think i should do something. i follow him back to his back and i say hey don't i know you from online.