brilliant, if only, not even

If only I could stop worrying about what these bitches think, maybe I could be brilliant. And I don't even like these bitches, because they're bitches, and that's the really sad part. But the large coffee was good. I'm trying to save money, but fuck it, I need my 16 oz. And my carrot muffin, too. I got an A, and an A, and another A, but I still feel like I can't think, like I can't breathe, like I don't want to be here or anywhere. I could cry at any moment. Everything is fake. Maybe if I wear all pink I'll feel better. Toni still hasn't called me after three weeks. Should I call her, maybe she's not well? But if she wanted to talk I guess she would have called. Maybe I'll wait till next week. The people that you want to call you never do, and those other people always call. Like last night. I was spending my daily $23.67 at Whole Foods, thinking about eating and reading, and then Papito calls and we end up at Giant Burger getting shakes, chocolate for me and strawberry for him. Drinking our shakes at the park he honks his horn at a couple emerging from the bushes and I say stop it, just go, go, go!